Ten Ways the Average Fly Fisher Can Prepare for the Coming Apocalypse

Improvised wheel fairing extension via duct ta...

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Futurist Steve Michaels, who is forming his own mountain community to prepare for the end of life as we know it, has given us — through the miracle of the online press release — the opportunity to read “10 Tips in Preparation for 2012,” including “Try to avoid fear and worry as it freezes your survival energies.” (?) Also, apparently, you should go out and see the movie “2012,” which is “not a hoax.”
This got me to thinking about how I, the simple fly fisher, could change my habits over the next two years to increase my chances of survival. Here’s what I came up with:
1. Throw away all fly patterns except parachute adams and streamers I can tie without head cement.
2. Stock up on 3X Frog Hair leader — it has already been irradiated and will be more likely to endure the cataclysm.
3. Can’t have enough roosters running around. Plan “humane rescue” trip to Key West.
4. Book a trip to Patagonia for December 29, 2011 (two days early just in case).
5. Delete all stocked waters from fishing “life list.”
6. Duct tape, and plenty of it. (Note duct tape repair on lunar rover fender in photo.)
7. Grow my own bamboo. I’ll be casting more “sustainable” rod blanks than ever before.
8. Tell everyone all my secret spots — I’ll make lots of new friends and have the spots all to myself again soon enough.
9. Get even more serious about the “man cave” (underground for real this time?). Hiding in plain site is no longer an option.
10. Finally teach my wife how to fly fish.

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  • In my experience, trying to teach one’s own spouse to fly fish can trigger the apocalypse. You might want to reconsider #10.

  • David Cannon

    I like it, Marshall. But I’m hearing what could happen in 2012 might be worse than Y2K (the event, not the fly), which is difficult to even imagine.

  • Randy

    December 29, 2011 is almost 1 year before the supposed end time (December 21, 2012)… sounds like a good plan anyway. A full year in Patagonia before then will work just fine, eh?

  • blondie

    Hey Ken, my husband taught me to fly fish and read rivers. No apocalypse. He bit his lip a few times, and I was a quick learner, and now he is the envy of his friends cos he has a wife who drags him out fishing. Kids feel like orphans at times though!! (aged 19 & 23 in case any ones thinking littlies)

  • blondie, my wife also fly fishes. but in spite of the fact that i am a professional fly fishing instructor, i paid to have dave & emily whitlock and carolyn parker teach her the fundamentals, and get her off to a good start. that way, i didn’t have to get a divorce, my meds adjusted, or stitches in my lips. lol